CHICAGO - Mark Harmon has been married to wife Linda for nineteen years. Yet, the 42 year-old advertising executive has a dark and devastating secret.
Despite years of showering Linda with the finest gifts, treating her to expensive meals, and communicating closely with whom he calls "his soul mate", Harmon secretly loathes listening about Linda's day at work, working extra hours to feed his three children, raking the leaves when the Giants game is on, and seeing used tampons in the garbage receptacle.
Finally, after nineteen grueling years of monogamy, Harmon is ready to end his charade.
"I'm really with her to get to her [vagina,]" Harmon admits to the Dissociated Press.
Wife Linda, not privy to her husband's dastardly plot to bury in her unguarded treasure, however feels that they're marriage is "a happy one - why do you ask?"
"He buys me any jewelry, clothes or purse that I want, and we dine out at least once a week without the kids - there's no limit. With Mark, I feel incredibly secure that if we decide to split up or he suddenly dies, me and the kids'll be just fine."
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