Local liver claims it "has had enough" of unhealthy relationship

Citing extreme abuse and neglect, despite his never-ending devotion to his life partner, the liver of local man Jim Garbo has "completely checked out", claiming it "has had enough of this horrible relationship."

Garbo's liver said the events of this past weekend were the final straw, and made it's decision "so much easier."

"I have finally seen the light, after he downed that 19th pint, I knew i had to get out of there. I can only filter so much blood at a time, but he doesn't care about that, it's always about him."

The liver says that, while the physical abuse was bad, the emotional trauma was so much worse.

"The bruising and swelling were bad," the liver said, "especially trying to make excuses to my friends. They probably think I'm some kind of super klutz, cause I don't know how many times I told them I 'fell down the stairs'. As bad as that was, though, nothing hurt more then the way I was taken for granted. I've done so much for him, like keeping hime alive, and not once was I ever thanked. I would've settled for a 'good job' once in a while, but I never even got that."

The spleen, a neighbor and close friend of the liver, has said the relationship went on longer than it ever should have.

"All those nights of yelling and fighting, just terrible. I've tried to tell liver many times to leave, but, well, I guess sometimes your emotions blind the reality of some situations."

It was learned that Garbo tried to reconcile, which the liver calls a "move of desperation."

"He know without me, he can't drink, that's all he cares about, not me. Well, as the song goes 'You don't know what you got till it's gone,' and I am definitly gone."

Garbo could not be reached for comment.