NEW YORK - Rereading the latest posts written by editor Christine Marucci of the Celery Stalk, Marucci has decided that she and her team of writers are "pretty fucking funny."
"I mean, who comes up with that? 'Local philanthropist gives free political discourse with purchase'? Sure, the guys at the Onion probably came up with it like, ten years ago, but still. It's pretty fucking funny," Marucci told herself at the Dissociated Press.
Citing everyday situations as inspiration and then blowing them out of proportion to fit the graveness of most newspaper headlines, Marucci says that her team is "great" - fit to par with just about any team of writers, "even the President's. And that is one bunch that knows how to win people over."
All three fans of the Celery Stalk, who declined to release their names, said the Celery Stalk was their favorite "work time-waster."
"I mean, I'm on it like everyday, trying to figure out what Christine really looks like - you know how she has red line over her eyes? I bet she's got blue eyes. That would be awesome," said "Lenny Awesomeberg", who declined to give his real name.
Marucci, however, refused to answer questions about her alleged psuedocide, her relationship with the Sunday Morning Sentinel's elusive author, and whatever happened to Donald Angelo Mirabello.
"As far as I'm concerned, that guy never existed," was all Marucci said.
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