TINTON FALLS, New Jersey - Up until last week, Saundra Billings was a typical blue-blooded American who enjoyed watching Oprah, performing fellatio, and, of course, eating red meat.
Suddenly, that changed.
According to Billings' boyfriend, Tad Deucsh, Billings departure from "the norm" came last Thursday, when Billings suddenly announced that she no longer would ingest meat or meat products.
"She said she was some kind of vegan," Deucsh said. "Normally, I would find it sort of cute, but when we stopped off at Chili's for our weekly Sunday supper, suddenly she was like, too good to eat there or something."
Citing a diet solely comprised of only "organic" supplements, Billings refused to dine on the salads and other meat-less dishes at the popular eatery unless given notification that the menu item were "certified organic."
"I told her, 'Babe, this isn't McDonald's. You can't just have it your way. We're in a kind-of classy place here," Deusch said.
Billings then "stormed out" of the establishment, "totally embarrassing" Deusch in front of the fifteen-person Chili's wait staff.
"It was totally annoying. Like, the other day she wanted me to throw out my leather jacket, because it was made of 'cow.' I was like, so? I got this at Wilson's, Saundra. I'm not throwing out a high-quality jacket because some stupid no-meat kick you're on," Deusch reported.
Deusch said that a solution to "no-meat" clause must come to an end soon, or else.
"The other night, I was trying to be all romantic, so I told her I wanted her to chow on my sausage. She totally said no," Deusch reported.
As of press time, Billings was attending a PETA protest and was not available for comment. Sources close to Billings report that while she calls herself a strict vegetarian, Deusch does not know that she is "actually a big fan of fish tacos."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment