Website lends support, reaffirmation for area hypochondriacs

CONNECTICUT - A website featuring listed ailments alongside their symptoms has now serviced over one million hypochondriacs, reaffirming their suspicions and supporting their fears.

Wedmd.com, a medical database of journal texts and lists upon lists of diseases, syndromes, and illnesses, has confirmed that their user base of Midwestern housewives, rural farmers, and scrupulous OCD sufferers has just reached one million.

"WebMD is proud to announce their one millionth visitor," the website announced in a press release Monday. "Our goal is to provide accurate, eye-opening information to the masses, and we strive to triple the number of visitors that we reach by this time next year."

Self-diagnosed AIDS patient Marty Connick, 43, of New Haven says that "WebMD has really assuaged my fears" by "explaining the symptoms exactly as I've been experiencing them"

It was when Connick read WebMD's description of symptoms associated with the oft-fatal Acquired Immuno-Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS) that it started to really started to sink in.

"I've had headaches and sore throats, just like the website says," Connick reported. "Occasionally, I will experience numbness and wake up with night sweats."

Connick, despite not seeking treatment from his primary care practitioner, says that he is determined to keep his AIDS from "getting him."

"By educating others who may notice similar symptoms, I urge them to consult their WebMD as well to ensure that this fatal disease will not take their lives, as I won't let it take mine," Connick, who also suffers from lymphoma, autism, and Legionnaire's Disease, said to the cashier at the Broad Street Starbucks.