Study shows blacks are darker than whites

WASHINGTON, D.C. - After an exhaustive 12 year study to detemine the difference between black and white people, the Washington-based Stabbone Institute has concluded that Blacks have darker skin than Whites.

"This is a really big day for us," said Dr. Art "Boner" Stabbone, lead principal researcher in the study. "After 12 long years and countless hours of work, we have finally answered one of the biggest questions humanity has ever faced."

Researcher Julio Cesar Smith explained that the study involved many tests of both types of people, which included lasers, UV lights, and electroencephalogy to finally reach a conclusion.



"Our test subjects went through a lot, but they now know it was all worth it," said Smith, outlining that of the 198 subjects of the original study, at least ninety-five percent of them participated in the experiment until the final conclusions were drafted.


The subjects of the experiment, half of whom were labeled "White", received free room and board and frequent sales discounts at Washington-area department stores in return for what Smith says "required all-nighters, exhaustive laboratory analysis, and habitational and sociological observations" that enraged some subjects.

"At one of the final stages of the experimental phase," Smith said, "we studied the dietary habits of the white group and the black control group at a local eatery in Washington, D.C. We starved both groups for several days to prepare them for the study, but we found that both groups were quite pleased with the free menu options, so, we hit another dead end."

Their discovery, Stabbone says, came "by accident."

"We wanted to study the survival skills of both groups, so we took them to southern Washington for a night 'on the streets.' "

"Our findings were substantiated when we realized that the black control group was less visible in the dark than their white counterparts. Suddenly - Eureka! - we had our answer: black people are darker than white people."


The findings will be published in the new issue of an undisclosed online medical journal. Still, Stabbone says he and his group have much work to do.

"We are going to take a much-needed vacation," Stabbone joked. "After that, we are going to us our findings for a federally-funded experiment that will determine if the National Hockey League is ignoring Affirmative Action requirements."