LOS ANGELES - Lights are flashing, the red carpet's rolled and the champagne is flowing on one of the most exciting nights in Hollywood.
The biggest winner of the night was by far Jared Padalecki, who took home the coveted "Most Prolific Actor in the Field of Obscure Teenage-Geared Dramas on the CW" Thursday for his countless efforts in over 700 teenage dramas on the CW network that continually fail to catapault him into the spotlight despite how good he looks in that tank top in some show.
Padalecki, who starred in a program about demons or ghosts or some shit, and, most notably, one about some chick that doesn't shut the fuck up, said this upon receiving his award: "I'd like to thank the CW producers for continuing to believe in me throughout the years and casting me in over 700 programs in their catalogue. I'd also like to thank all of those other people who opted to watch my show instead of the insanely popular 'Grey's Anatomy', which falls into the same time slot."
"I consider myself blessed," Padalecki spoke. "Despite having been in so many television programs, I still evade the negative attention the paparazzi and fun sites like perezhilton.com can bring. In fact, I seem to slip through the cracks in everyone's conscience."
"I'm here, just so you know."
Padalecki said he plans to show off his acting achievement award to friends and hopes that perhaps producers from other networks - or even movie studios - might be interested in hiring him for work once his contract expires.
Admitting that he "wasn't quite sure" what the word "prolific" meant, Padalecki still has faith in his ability.
"I'd really like to play Jesus," Padalecki told the Dissociated Press. "I really think I can pull it off. You know, I've played [a long list of similar characters] and I think my award speaks for itself in terms of my acting ability."
Colleague and "Most Prolific Actor" nominee Chad Michael Murray isn't discouraged by his loss to Padalecki.
"Hey, whatever, good for him," Murray told the Dissociated Press at the Tiger Beat after-party.
"I still get way more pussy than him."
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