BIRMINGHAM, Ala. - An enormous fat-ass titillated patrons at barbecue eatery, Porky's, when he commenced to chowing down on a large helping of pulled pork and rib tips.
"It was ... unlike anything I've ever seen," said customer Paul Peters. "Just watching his gigantic arms jiggle as he laboriously lifted another sauce-drenched chicken wing to his mouth was mesmerizing."
Despite his highly-entertaining behavior, the mysterious lard-o entered the restaurant alone and left without an applicable grand exit.
"It was like this gelatinous blob just swept in, devoured a table's worth of food, and disappeared with the wind," diner Melissa Hargrove, 32, told the Dissociated Press. "Then I thought to myself, 'Wow, the food must be really good here since I would never just come to a place all by myself to eat.'"
According to waitresses, the disgraceful glutton left a "nominal" tip, despite his "large order" and "numerous complaints."
"The chicken wings weren't hot enough, there wasn't enough sauce, the rib tips needed to be fried in more oil - I mean, the list of complaints did not end," Beth Fisher, a Porky's waitress who served the giganctic oaf, said.
Fisher also reported that the fat-ass appears frequently, "like clockwork", but does not ever bring along another guest, or consume less than 30,000 calories per visit.
"Well, at least he always orders a Diet Coke," Fisher said.
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