SAN FRANCISCO - Millions of fans rejoiced Monday after the legendary rock super-group "Jesse and the Rippers" announced that they will be reuniting for an eleven month world tour, kicking things off at Madison Square Garden in New York City on September 21.
"I wasn't even this excited when I gave birth to my children", exclaimed self-proclaimed "Ripperhead" Patricia Ukodas. "This is just incredible, I can't believe it. This is bigger than landing on the moon!"
Along with frontman Jesse Consopolous, fans are delighted that the original lineup - the two other guys that played guitar, the bass player, that guy that played the keytar, the two white backround vocalists, and also the one black backround vocalist - will be returning to the stage. It was also said that they guy that sometimes showed up and played trumpet will be at some of the shows.
"We just knew it was time." said Consopolous. "We are once again ready to rock with our metaphoric [expletive deleted] out to some of your favorite Beach Boys covers."
Jesse and the Rippers broke up in 1990, following Consopolous' decision to embark on a jingle-writing career with no-name comic Joey Gladstone - the singer's roommate. The band went on to some moderate success with teen sensation Barry Williams fronting the band, then known as "Barry and the Rippers."
Consopolous then went on onto a solo career, capturing the number seven slot on the Japanese pop charts with his cover version of the Beach Boys "Forever".
However, neither Consopolous nor the Rippers captured the success they had when they were together. While never actually writing an original song, Jesse and the Rippers garnered a huge following, by doing what they do best - "rocking out to other people's songs," according to the press release issued by the band.
"They really know how to get a crowd going, like by skipping the entire intro and verse of a song and going right for the chorus." said television personality and brother-in-law to Consopolous, Danny Tanner. "They are a success, because they know what the people want."
While not touring with a New Jersey-based band, the Dance Floor Remix, comedian Joey Gladstone, life-long friend of Consopolous will be the opening act for the entire tour.
"I'm very, very excited." said Gladstone, impersonating 1920s cartoon character, Popeye. "Eleven months on the road with the boys - well, blow me down."
While Rippers fans are excited about the reunion tour, some expressed dislike for the "obvious nepotism" responsible for Gladstone's opening billing.
"It's a sham," Rippers super-fan Bob "Buckeye" Steeler said. "It's not even close to funny. I mean, the guy could at least fart on a snare drum or something. At least I would chuckle."When Gladstone was asked why his stand-up routine was blatantly free of jokes and comedy, he simply replied: "Oh come on now, Cut-It-Out."
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